Torchwood- messages gone wrong
by aBlue Gillespian
Summary: No plot or narrative, just a bit of fun with the team sending each other messages that self correct messes up. It's happened to me too. WARNING: strong language
1. Chapter 1

A/N: As I'd have a bad case of hitting the proverbial brick wall with my main stories I decided to do something for fun that doesn't need a plot or me thinking too much on it. I was reading on adverts and messages gone wrong and that's where this idea came from. Its just a bit of fun. Please let me know if you think I should keep going or if its too silly. Also if I should up the rating, there's a lot of strong language but I left it T because Torchwood has strong language and its still rated PG13.

* * *

_12.03.2009, 14:53GTM_

eFrom Ianto to Gwen

Hi Gwen, Remember that fuck Rhys gave me last week?

/ /

12.03.2009, 15:00 GTM

From Gwen to Ianto

He did WHAT?

/

12.03.2009, 15:03GTM

From Ianto to Gwen

This was just strong.

/

12.03.2009, 15:05GTM

From Gwen to Ianto

?!

/

12.03.2009, 15:07GTM

From Ianto to Gwen

I mean very strong.

/-/ /  
12.03.2009, 15:08GTM

From Gwen to Ianto

Huh?!

/ /

/ 12.03.2009, 15:09GTM

From Ianto to Gwen

For fuck sake. I wanted to say that this was just wrong.

Truck Gwen, I meant truck. Bloody self correct. Going to jump in the Bay now.


	2. Chapter 2

04.08.2007, 12:30 GMT

From Gwen to Tosh,

Tosh, I need you to do me a favour. Owen has an alien body that he needs to transport to the Hub. Me and Ianto are doing interviews. Can you go get Owen? I'll be very grateful, I'll give you some coffee and the HIV.

/ / /  
04.08.2007, 12:31 GMT

From Tosh to Gwen

Right?

/ /  
04.08.2007, 12:32 GMT

From Gwen to Tosh

Lol the SUV I'll give you the SUV. I'm not giving the HIV to anyone.

/ /

04.08.2007 12:33 GMT

From Tosh to Gwen

That's good to know. Yes, I'll pick up Owen send me his location.


	3. Chapter 3

20.07.2009, 20:47 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

Be right back. At the caves, showing Gwen my cock.

/  
20.07.2009 20:49 GMT

From Ianto to Jack

That's just...I did not want to know this.

/  
20.07.2009, 20:51 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

But is a very impressive cock, I know you agree. If you were impressed, think about her.

/

20.07.2009, 20:54 GMT

From Ianto to Jack

No, Jack, I don't have to imagine. I'm telling Rhys about that.

/

20.07.2009, 21:00 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

Oh god. I just noticed what the message said. I'm sorry Ianto, I meant I was showing her my dock. You know, the dock, where I keep parked the Sea Queen.


	4. Chapter 4

15.02.2014, 23:06 GMT

From Gwen to Rhys

Sorry babe, gonna be another late night, maybe even an all nighter. Are you home yet? Is Anwen ok, has she eaten?

Love you

/

15.02.2014, 23:10 GMT

From Rhys to Gwen

Again? I hate your job. Yes, everything is OK. Anwen is sleeping. I lied the babysitter.

Love you too.

/

15.02.2014, 23:13 GMT

From Gwen to Rhys

WHAT?

/

15.02.2014, 23:14 GMT

From Rhys to Gwen

OMG love I'm sorry. I meant I paid the babysitter.


	5. Chapter 5

18.10.2006, 08:15 GMT

From Tosh to Owen

How did exactly Suzie broke her finger again?

/

18.10.2006, 08:25 GMT

From Owen to Tosh

It got stuck in my butthole.

/

18.10.2006, 08:36 GMT

From Tosh to Owen

Uh...OK.

/

18.10.2006, 08:57 GMT

From Owen to Tosh

Wait...no,no,no,no...just no. Even I won't play this way. It got stuck in my belt buckle.


	6. Chapter 6

09.04.2008, 22:09 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

You can't pull out now Ianto, I know it hurts and you are scared, but you are holding the biggest ass in this mission.

/

09.04.2008, 22:14 GMT

From Ianto to Jack

Thanks Jack.

/

09.04.2008, 22:14GMT

From Jack to Ianto

Shit Ianto you know I didn't mean it. I meant that you bare holding the biggest Aces in this mission. You know since you already know the ex Torchwood agents from one.

/

09.04.2008, 22:30 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

Come on you know that I don't think you have a big ass. You know I love your ass.

/ /

09.04.2008, 22:35 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

Oh come on that's stupid

/

09.04.2008, 22:40 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

Ianto...


	7. Chapter 7

20.03.2008, 17:56GMT

From Rhiannon to Ianto

Are you coming for Easter lunch this Sunday? Only you said you were coming last Easter and you didn't.

/

20.03.2008, 19:24 GMT

From Ianto to Rhiannon

Sorry for the late answer. Sure what's on the menu?

/

20.03.2008, 19:58 GMT

From Rhiannon to Ianto

No worries. Johnny's juicy Easter dick.

/

20.03.2008, 20:33 GMT

From Ianto to Rhiannon

And suddenly I'm not hungry at all.

/

20.03.2008, 21:02 GMT

From Rhiannon to Ianto

OH MY GOD! I'm sorry I'm so embarrassed now I just want the earth to open. What I meant is Johnny's juicy Easter duck.


	8. Chapter 8

10.05.2007, 12:07 GMT

From Dad to Alice

Hi Alice, I know I haven't visited for a while but the work's been frantic what with the new girl and all. She is an ex PC. Anyway, I know my absence doesn't bother you much, but I really miss Steven, could you please bring him by the dinnery at the Millennium Centre?

/

/ 10.05.2007, 12:17 GMT

From Alice to Dad Hi dad sorry but I can't come I'm busy. I'm at granny's helping her to sell her vagina on e-bay.

/

10.05.2007, 12:19 GMT

From Alice to Dad

Oh, no, please dad DON'T read the last message. I'm helping granny to sell her china. I'm so mortified rat the moment that you don't need to kill me for what I've said. I'll do it myself right now.


	9. Chapter 9

09.06.2006, 23:40 GMT

From Suzie to Jack

Hi boss, Tosh said that the prediction of the rift is to be quiet tomorrow and I was thinking to ask if I can get the day off. I'm getting a little dick and the days are so hot lately.  
Ta.

/ /

10.06.2006, 00:13 GMT

From Jack to Suzie

I know it is very disappointing and dare I say depressing when the dick you get is little, but I hardly think that's a valid reason for a day off.

/

10.06.2006, 00:15 GMT

From Suzie to Jack

Ha ha, it was supposed to say SICK, I'm getting a little sick. Off to bed now. Night.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I need help with deciding on coseplay for the Wales Comic Con next month. Last time I was dressed as Andy Davidson, and everyone kept on thinking that I was Amy Pond or Gwen Cooper. Fair enough Eve and Gareth loved it and I didn't have the heart to tell them that I wasn't Gwen. A friend said I should be Harry Dresden, but didn't offer to by me a leather duster, blasting rod or staff, so I narrowed it down to 5. A Dalek, female Ianto, a 20's flappa, a goth or steam punk. **

* * *

25.10.2007, 22:04 GMT

From Gwen to Jack Jack

I'm sorry to bother you, but I don't know who to talk to. Me and Rhys are fighting again.

/

25.10.2007, 22:19 GMT

From Jack to Gwen

Oh, Gwen I'm sorry. What happened?

/

25.10.2007, 22:23 GMT

From Gwen to Jack

I don't know. He got jealous or something. I think is serious this time. He drove off with his mum's corps.

/

25.10.2007, 22:30 GMT

From Jack to Gwen

With her CORPS?

/  
/ 25.10.2007, 22:34 GMT

From Gwen to Jack

With Camaro, he drove off with her Camaro.

/

25.10.2007, 22:41 GMT

From Jack to Gwen

Oh, good, Gwen you were scaring me.


	11. Chapter 11

10.05.2007, 09:18 GMT

From Gwen to Ianto

Hi Ianto, I know how pretty run off your feet you are at the best of times, so I don't want you to have even more to do after the suspension. Take some rest I'm keeping it kind of clean here. Even took Jack's shits to the dry cleaner yesterday. We don't want them to start smelling after all.

/

10.05.2007, 09:27 GMT

From Ianto to Gwen

Uh, right...OK...his shits?

/

10.05.2007, 10:01 GMT

From Gwen to Ianto

Oh lala his shirts.


	12. Chapter 12

07.02.2006, 13:45 GMT

From Suzie to Tosh

Tosh, Jack wants me to get the SUV to be washed. Do you know who last drove it and where the keys are?

/

07.02.2006, 13:48 GMT

From Tosh to Suzie

Yes, they are in my vag

/

07.02.2006, 13:49 GMT

From Tosh to Suzie

In my BAG, they are in my bag.

/

07.02.2006, 13:59 GMT

From Suzie to Tosh

Oh good, because Jack was going to get it washed himself.


	13. Chapter 13

13.10.2003, 16:08 GMT

From Banana Boat to Rhys

Oy mate, how did the date last night with that new chick went? Gwen, was it?

/

13.10.2003, 17:27 GMT

From Rhys to Banana Boat

Yeah, it went well. We went to the movies, then went for dinner to the new Indian place. Then I walked her home through the park and killed her under the tree, you know the big one by the gates.

/

13.10.2003, 17:56 GMT

From Banana Boat to Rhys

Are you serious? You thought this is how a good date is? What did she do to deserve killing her?

/

13.10.2003, 18:12 GMT

From Rhys to Banana Boat

What? No? I kissed her, I didn't kill her.

/

13.10.2003, 18:23 GMT

From Banana Boat to Rhys

OK, that's great mate. Because I was going to call 999. You know you're my best mate and all, but thats some very serious shit there.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Problem with the cosplay for WCC solved. A friend will go as the female Captain John Hart, so I'll go as her poodle. :D**

* * *

05.07.2012(galactic Agency time 23. 04.3168), 20:06 GMT

From Agent number 4509JH (alias Jon Hartnell) to James

Hi, I know we are mean to integrate here so I bought one of these phone contraptions, why can't they use a normal Vortex Manipulator? Stars, this is archaic, I'm not sure if I can work it right, but I wanted to say love you so much I will buy you a casket.

/

05.07.2012(galactic Agency time 23.04. 3168), 21:00 GMT

From Agent number 4560 (alias James Harper) to Jon

Wha...you are working it right, but that's some weird way to confess love even for you.

/

05.07.2012( galactic Agency time 23.04.3168), 21:07

From Agent number 4509JH(alias Jon Hartnell) to James

See Vortex Manipulators are so much better I can just talk on the message. I meant that I will buy you a castle. But I was drinking so don't take this love confession too seriously.


	15. Chapter 15

05.09.2008, 23:10 GMT

From Ianto to Jack

Thanks for the great proper first date. I had great time. I can't wait to see your big cute nipples again.

/

05.09.2008, 23:17GMT

From Jack to Ianto

I love it when you talk dirty.

/

05.09.2008, 23:20GMT

Well shit. I didn't mean to say nipples. I wanted to say your cute dimples. How f embarassing. But well I don't mind the nipples either. ;)


	16. Chapter 16

09.07.2008, 21:04GMT

From Jack to Owen

Owen, you lot have to find yourself your own dinner at the Hub today, 'close I'm eating Ianto out tonight.

/

09.07.2008, 21:13GMT

From Owen to Jack

Really, Jack? That's just too much info all around. We didn't want to know all this. Thanks.

/

09.07.2008, 21:20GMT

From Jack to Owen

AWell I mean it. You'll have to call the pizza place yourself to sort dinner. I'm am eating him out.

/

09.07.2008, 21:23 GMT

From Owen to Jack

Yeah whatever floats your boat. Just don't share it with me.

/  
/

09.07.2008, 21:27GMT

From Jack to Owen

OK that wasn't what I was saying I mean I'm taking Ianto out tonight.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So Gareth had confirmed that he is signed up for all the Showmaster con events for the next year. Someone is realising how expensive making babies is? *snort***

* * *

12.03.2008, 22:07 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

I miss you so much, I found one of your shits in the bathroom and now I'm sleeping with it just to pretend that you are here. It smells so good, like you.

xxxJ -

12.03.2008, 22:34 GMT

From Ianto to Jack

Ok...you are weird...

12.03.2208, 22:46 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

what? no,no,no...just no...i meant one of your shirts. SHIRTS, I sleep with it on.


	18. Chapter 18

23.05.2009, 07:34 GMT

From Gwen to Ianto

You are not coming to work today, you are still not well. I'll tell Jack , and don't you dare come or I will come and embarrass you by personally coming to blow you in bed.

/

23.05.2009, 07:46 GMT

From Ianto to Gwen

Eh? Would Rhys be informed about this?

/

23.05.2009, 07:50 GMT

From Gwen to Ianto

Well, shit, I meant that I will come and personally fuck you in bed.

/

23.05.2009, 07:51

From Gwen to Ianto

nO, NO, NO! ducking autocorrect. I meant that I will personally tuck you in bed to embarass you if you come to work.

/

23.05.2009, 08:00 GMT

From Ianto to Gwen

Gwen you are just digging yourself deeper. :P But you are welcome to come.

/

23.05.2009, 08:04 GMT

From Gwen to Ianto

Would Jack know? No wait don't answer that. As if you and Jack need encouraging or someone else to blow you. -.-

/


	19. Chapter 19

30.11.2008, 23:10 GMT

From Owen to Ianto

Ianto mate you need to come up with a real creative cover story for this one. Its a right cluster duck out here.

/

30.11.2008, 23:14 GMT

From Ianto to Owen

I do t know what the truck you are talking about but its a real ship here in the Hub.

/

30.11.2008, 23:21 GMT

From Owen to Ianto

The auto-correct is a real beech I think Tosh had messed with our phones and now we can't curse.


	20. Chapter 20

12.02.2007, 05:30 GMT

From Ianto to Jack,

Sorry, sir, I'm going to be late today. I'm going to New York. Some family paper work.

/

12.02.2007, 05:56 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

And how much late are you planing on being :O And seriously did you have to send me this SMS so early ?

/

12.02.2007, 06:05 GMT

From Ianto to Jack

Shouldn't be more than half an hour, 40 min tops. And is not like you sleep, so I can wake you up

/

12.02.2007, 06:07 GMT

From Jack to Ianto

From New York? That's a fast travel. How do you know I having decided to try and sleep just that night?

/

12.02.2007, 06:15GMT

From Ianto to Jack

What do you mean New York, I'm going to Newport..


End file.
